i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Everyone says I win the strip club
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
