Soap is not a condiment
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
