Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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