i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
