He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
