Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
did i just pee glitter
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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