At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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