You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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