it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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