she smelled like a LAN party
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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