Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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