Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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