I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
