I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
