I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
how drunk are you?
Several
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
