6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
