nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
