Yo dont text me then not text me
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize