I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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