I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
