then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
