I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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