it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
