she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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