Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
