dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
