does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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