its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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