Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
