I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
