You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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