Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
