Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
