ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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