I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
me + whiskey = a bad person
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
