I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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