dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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