So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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