walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The Olympian is in my bed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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