***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want to make out with him forever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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