talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
