I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
