Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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