She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize