You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
