Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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