wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
