roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
