I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
