just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
