That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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