Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i've created a new STD.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
