I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
