mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
