My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize