the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
