dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
