I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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