feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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