I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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