I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
