Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
