Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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