i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
We got so high we made milksteak
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
