do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
