Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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