At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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