This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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