Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
