Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
