the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
